Mentor Research Institute

Healthy Contracts Legislation; Measurement & Value-Based Payment Contracting; Online Screening & Outcome Measurement Software, The Collapse of Dating and Marriage

503 227-2027

The Bend Dating Difference

The Ethical Alternative to Tender, Bumble, Hinge, Ok-Cupid, Plenty of Fish, and Match

“Twelve dating apps dominate the U.S., and make billions for multi-national corporations — mostly by exploiting users and keeping them single. Bend Dating does none of that. We’re accountable to one group: Our Bend community.”

Traditional and Mainstream Dating Apps

Traditional and mainstream dating apps are designed to maximize engagement, not relationships, and that incentive structure drives harm. Swipe mechanics, streaks, and pay-to-be-seen boosts create addiction-like loops and “paradox of choice,” nudging users toward impulsive, appearance-based judgments and endless browsing over commitment. Algorithmic matching often optimizes for time-on-app rather than compatibility. They foster dependency and frustration. The environment normalizes low-empathy behaviors, ghosting, breadcrumbing, love-bombing; while weak verification enables catfishing, scams, and misrepresentation. Monetization tiers introduce inequity (those who pay get visibility) and pushup sells that can exploit loneliness. Heavy filtering and performative profiles erode authenticity and self-esteem, and prolonged texting without offline movement leaves people in “textationships,” amplifying burnout and cynicism.

Bend Dating

Bend Dating is the only psychology-informed, evidence-based, community-rooted alternative with independent oversight that is designed to ensure safety, member well-being, and authentic relationships. Member of Bend Dating have access to a four-tier screening process, from profile verification and psychological screening to background checks and even polygraphs, ensuring honesty, safety, and accountability. Unlike swipe-based apps built on algorithms and gimmicks, Bend Dating is rooted in community, best practices, and independent oversight by a non-profit research institute. Bend Dating is designed for authentic relationships, not games or wasted time.

Bend Dating Design and Implementation Requirements

The solution to the traditional dating app designs would be to choose or build platforms that flip the incentives. No swiping/gamification, no paid visibility, strict code of conduct, robust identity verification, and psychological screening (with background checks and optional polygraph), third-party nonprofit oversight, transparent pricing, caps on concurrent chats, and a community pathway that moves people into real-world, local interactions quickly.

Bend Dating adheres to tollowing design and implementation requirements:

1. Ethical Standards & Safety

  • Code of Conduct: Enforced rules that promote honesty and respect.

  • Monitored Compliance: Member behavior is actively monitored, investigated, and enforced.

  • Tiered Access System: Four certification levels of screening (1) Profile verification, (2) Psychological screening, (3) Background check, and (4) Polygraph, ensuring every member is real and accountable.

  • No Catfishing / No Ghosting: Structural safeguards against deceptive or disrespectful behavior.

2. Evidence-Based & Professionally Supported

  • Grounded in Best Practices: Screening and member policies are rooted in professional standards of psychology and relationship science.

  • Third-Party Oversight: Independent monitoring by a non-profit research institute guarantees transparency, accountability, and ongoing evaluation of outcomes.

  • Empirical and Evidence-Based Standards: Every practice is grounded in data, not dating fads or untested theories.

  • Professional Referrals: Built-in connections to community counselors, marriage and family therapists, and psychologists.

  • Psychological Screening: Goes beyond surface-level profiles to ensure readiness for genuine relationships.

3. Community-First Approach

  • Local Orientation: Members connect through searchable community activities and event databases.

  • Equal Gender Balance: Commitment to a 50/50 ratio between men and women to prevent imbalance and endless swiping.

  • Real-World Connection: Encourages authentic engagement beyond the screen, rooted in the local community.

4. No Games, No Exploitation

  • No Matching Algorithm: People choose based on genuine interest, not machine-generated scores.

  • No Gamification: No swiping, no streak counters, no addictive mechanics.

  • No Photo Filters: Promoting authenticity and transparency.

  • No exploitative dating motives. (e.g., free food, free entertainment).

  • No Wasting Time: Capped at messaging/interacting with three people at once, ensuring focused, intentional connection.

5. Transparent, Fair, and Honest Pricing

  • No Hidden Costs: No upsells for boosts, super likes, or “unlocking” additional candidates.

  • Straightforward Access: Everyone has equal opportunity, without manipulative monetization strategies.

Traditional and Mainstream Dating Apps

Dating Apps Used Primarily in United States

  1. Tinder - The most widely known dating app, famous for its swipe-right/swipe-left interface; primarily geared toward casual dating but also used for relationships

  2. Bumble - A women-first app where only women can message first in heterosexual matches; positioned as more empowering and socially progressive

  3. Hinge - Markets itself as “the dating app designed to be deleted,” encouraging deeper connections through prompts and profiles rather than just photos

  4. Match - One of the earliest online dating sites; focuses on long-term compatibility with a large user base and more traditional matchmaking features

  5. eHarmony - Pioneered algorithm-driven compatibility matching through lengthy questionnaires; marketed as serious, relationship-focused dating

  6. OkCupid - Known for its inclusive approach to sexuality and gender identity; uses detailed questionnaires to generate compatibility scores

  7. Coffee Meets Bagel - Sends users a limited number of curated matches daily, aiming for quality over quantity

  8. Plenty of Fish (POF) - A massive user base in North America; blends casual and serious dating.

  9. Grindr - The leading LGBTQ+ dating app, designed for gay, bi, trans, and queer users; location-based and fast-paced.

  10. Coffee Meets Bagel - Sends users a limited number of curated matches daily, aiming for quality over quantity

  11. HER - A dating app and community platform for LGBTQ+ women and nonbinary people; blends social networking with dating

Dating Apps Used Primarily in Europe (European Union)

  1. Badoo -- One of Europe’s most downloaded apps, especially in Spain, Italy, and Eastern Europe.

  2. Happn - Originated in France; strongest in Paris and other European cities where daily “crossing paths” is common.

  3. Breeze - Gaining traction in the Netherlands and broader Europe by promoting quick offline dates.

  4. Tinder --Still widely used in the UK, Germany, and Nordic countries.

  5. Hinge - Rapidly expanding in the UK and Western Europe, especially among professionals.

  6. Grindr - Extremely popular in European LGBTQ+ communities.

  7. Raya - Exclusive circles in London, Berlin, and other European capitals.

Dating App Problem Discussion Outline

The following is a list of the design features and mechanics of dating apps which are harmful.

  1. Swiping

    What it is: Users swipe right to “like” or left to “pass” on another person’s profile.

    Why it exists: Quick, addictive decision-making modeled on slot machine psychology.

    Impact: Reduces people to images, encourages impulsive judgment, and fosters endless browsing rather than commitment.

  2. Matching Algorithms

    What it is: Apps use proprietary formulas to suggest who you “should” meet, often based on activity data, not actual compatibility.

    Why it exists: Creates the illusion of science-backed matchmaking.

    Impact: Can feel arbitrary, keeps users dependent on the app instead of their own judgment.

  3. Gamification

    What it is: The use of game-like features (points, badges, leaderboards, streaks) to drive daily use.

    Why it exists: Boosts engagement and monetization by making dating feel like a game.

    Impact: Creates addiction-like behaviors, distracts from authentic relationship-building.

  4. Streaks

    What it is: Rewards users for logging in and swiping every day without a break (e.g., “7-day streak!”).

    Why it exists: Builds habit loops and fear of loss.

    Impact: Keeps users hooked, not necessarily happy.

  5. Ghosting

    What it is: Cutting off communication suddenly without explanation.

    Why it exists: Apps make it easy to “disappear” because there’s always another option waiting.

    Impact: Leaves people feeling rejected, disrespected, and emotionally harmed.

  6. Catfishing

    What it is: Creating fake profiles with false pictures or information.

    Why it exists: Weak verification standards on many apps.

    Impact: Betrays trust and can lead to emotional or financial harm.

  7. Boosts / Super Likes / Paid Visibility

    What it is: Paying extra to get your profile shown to more people or to signal special interest.

    Why it exists: Monetization strategy for apps.

    Impact: Creates inequality — users who pay get advantages, while others are buried.

  8. Free-Meal Dating (“Foodie Calls”)

    What it is: Using the app to go on dates primarily for free meals or entertainment.

    Why it exists: Motivated by imbalance of intentions, not serious interest.

    Impact: Wastes people’s time and creates cynicism about dating.

  9. Filtered & Edited Photos

    What it is: Profiles allow users to post heavily edited or filtered pictures.

    Why it exists: Users want to look their best; apps don’t restrict it.

    Impact: Leads to mismatched expectations and lack of authenticity.

  10. Endless Messaging

    What it is: Apps allow unlimited chats without any push toward meeting.

    Why it exists: More time spent on the app means more ad impressions and upsells.

    Impact: Creates “textationships” with no real-world connection.

  11. Bread-crumbing

    What it is: Sending occasional flirty messages to keep someone interested without real intent.

    Why it exists: Easy to keep options open in apps with unlimited access to new people.

    Impact: Leads to frustration, wasted time, and emotional confusion.

  12. Love-Bombing

    What it is: Excessive affection early on to manipulate or overwhelm.

    Why it exists: Facilitated by fast-paced app interactions and anonymity.

    Impact: Can lead to unhealthy or manipulative relationships.

  13. Carousel Browsing

    What it is: An endless feed of profiles (sometimes called “infinite scroll”).

    Why it exists: Modeled on social media feeds to keep attention.

    Impact: Creates “paradox of choice” — users never commit because they believe better options are always one swipe away.

Behavioral Reinforcement and Conditioning Science Discussion Outline

  1. Operant conditioning loop (cue → action → reward).
    Notifications (cue) prompt opening the app (action), which may yield a match/message (reward). The loop is repeated until it becomes automatic.

  2. Variable ratio reinforcement (VR) - “slot machine” matches.
    Likes/matches arrive unpredictably after an unknown number of swipes. This schedule is the most habit-forming in operant conditioning, producing persistent, high-rate responding (endless swiping) and strong resistance to extinction.

  3. Variable interval reinforcement (VI) - unpredictable pings.
    Push alerts and “someone viewed you” messages arrive at irregular times. Because the next reward might be imminent, users check frequently, strengthening checking behavior.

  4. Fixed ratio/interval add-ons - streaks and daily goals.
    “Log in 7 days in a row,” “Finish 3 prompts,” or “Like 10 profiles” deliver predictable rewards (badges, boosts). While less potent than VR/VI, these shape routine and create habit momentum.

  5. Reward prediction error (dopamine error signal).
    Unexpected wins (an attractive match, a rapid reply) generate larger dopamine spikes than expected rewards. Apps engineer occasional “surprises” to amplify salience and re-engagement.

  6. Near-miss effects.
    UI patterns that signal “you almost matched” or show profiles that “just liked you” mimic casino near-misses, which spur more attempts despite low expected value.

  7. Intermittent punishment and relief (negative reinforcement).
    Anxiety from uncertainty, social evaluation, or FOMO is relieved when the app is checked and a notification is cleared. The relief itself reinforces compulsive checking.

  8. Shaping and successive approximations.
    Micro-tasks (add a photo → write a prompt → send a like → start a chat) break behavior into steps, each reinforced, gradually increasing time-on-app and disclosure.

  9. Social reinforcement (validation and status).
    Likes, super likes, view counts, and read receipts serve as social rewards. Badges (“popular profile,” “most liked today”) provide public reinforcement of engagement.

  10. Gamification contingencies.
    Points, leaderboards, “Top Picks,” daily treasure chests, and time-limited boosts add extrinsic rewards that maintain responding independent of intrinsic relational goals.

  11. Classical conditioning and cue reactivity.
    Distinctive sounds, vibrations, and visual badges become conditioned stimuli paired with social reward. Over time, the cue alone elicits anticipatory arousal and approach behavior.

  12. Hedonic adaptation and escalation.
    Frequent low-intensity rewards (micro-validations) lose impact, pushing users toward higher stimulation (more swipes, paid boosts) to regain the same subjective reward.

  13. Extinction and extinction bursts.
    When matches slow, behavior briefly intensifies (more swiping, wider filters) before declining. Apps intervene during the “burst” with offers and nudges to prevent churn.

  14. Goal-gradient and endowed progress effects.
    Progress bars (“80% profile complete”) and “you’re close to today’s goal” increase effort as users approach a perceived finish line, sustaining engagement for platform metrics.

  15. Scarcity and intermittent access.
    Limited “likes per day,” expiring lists (“people who liked you, visible for 24h”), and time-boxed events leverage scarcity to amplify perceived value and drive return visits.

  16. Loss aversion and endowment.
    “Don’t lose your streak,” “keep your top-pick visibility,” or “use it or lose it” boosts frame inaction as a loss, which is more motivating than equivalent gains.

  17. Sunk-cost and commitment/consistency.
    After investing in profile building, premium tiers, or long chats, users are more likely to persist to “justify” prior effort or spending, even when outcomes are poor.

  18. Choice overload reinforcing shallow evaluation.
    Infinite scroll and large choice sets reward fast, heuristic decisions. Quick judgments are reinforced by occasional successes, entrenching superficial processing over deliberation.

What must be changed to reverse addiction and exploitation in the dating app industry?

If the goal is relationship quality, replace VR/VI reward loops and gamification with fixed, transparent rhythms (no streaks or boosts), hard caps on concurrent chats, enforced downtime/cool-offs, evidence-based screening and accountability (identity, psychological screening, background checks), third-party nonprofit oversight of outcomes, and product cues that move users into real-world, community-anchored interactions quickly.

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